Let go of that extra baggage.

Parang babolgam

Aubrey Bahala — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 12:40:15 +0000

Parang babolgam
Aubrey Bahala

Ni hindi mo man lang naitanong sa akin
kung napatawad na ba kita. Sa kapal ng
mukha mo, bigla mo nalang akong niyakap
na parang wala kang maling nagawa.

Kalahating taong hinagpis ko isinama mo
sa labada, tinanggalan ng dangal
tulad ng dumi na naghihikahos kumapit
para lamang mapansin. Yun naman pala
nanaisin mong tanggalin din. Ibinabad mo
ang damdamin ko sa asido
ng iyong pagpapabaya. Hanggang sa
nalusaw ang tela at mariin mo akong sinisi
kung bakit hindi ako singtibay ng inaasahan mo.

Nang iyong mapawi ang sakit sa aking dibdib,
mas lalong tumindi ang alon na
tuluyang lumunod sa akin papunta sa kawalan.
Bakit kamo? Anung kawalan ba ang sinasabi ko?
Sa kawalan kung saan hindi sumagi
sa aking isipan na magiging katulad ka rin nila.
Mga alon na sunud-sunod mong pinakawalan,
walang habas na paglunod
sa pag-ibig na minsa’y walang singganda.

Parang babolgam na wala nang lasa.
Pag-ibig na mapakla hindi dahil dumaloy na ang oras
at napagsawaan na ito ng panahon. Kundi dahil
ang bilis mong sipsipin ang tamis
at nang ika’y wala nang masupsop pa,
idinura nalang sa lupa.

Marahil dahil hindi ko na nakikita
ang paraan kung paano mo ako titigan
na parang katulad noong
sinabi ko sayong mahal rin kita.
Maaaring darating rin ang panahon
at hindi ko mamamalayang sa akin
ay hindi ka na rin mahalaga.

Aubrey Bahala — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 08:01:57 +0000

How I Would Want to be Remembered
Aubrey Bahala

Like an ordinary girl you spent a summer with.
Not long from now you may not recall
exactly where my moles are.
Just like scenes in movies that you don’t
pay attention to, and when you watch it
for the second time,
you appreciated it more.

Like a normal stranger on a train,
who you see on a daily basis on your way
to and from work.
A shared understanding that this
moving platform witnessed all the glances
we stole from each other.

Like a librarian,
who understood your hunger for company in books.
Who gave you permission
to bring home extra books, without certainty
if you would take time returning
all you’ve taken out.

Like the lady you never thought
you’d remember. Despite your daughters
and your loving wife joining you for dinner,
you will everyday wish to yourself
that you must’ve married me instead.

The Last of You

Aubrey Bahala — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 03:17:08 +0000

The Last of You
Aubrey Bahala

Creeping behind my shoulders, a familiar scent
was responsible for a slight tingling of the soul.
Eyes uneasy, scanning every inch of you,
remembering how much you’ve changed
since we last met.
The mind does not forget,
I told myself.

The young in me recalled your sweaty palms
touching my arms like college friends
searching for temporary company.
Hairs attached to your chin find home
as they rubbed against my shoulders.
The body does not forget,
I thought to myself.

We both aged,
like green leaves bathing under the rain,
submitting itself to the eventual summer
by turning crisp as it detaches itself from the tree,
only to fall on parched soil.
Wanting of moist.

The lines on your face
shout the kind of life you’ve lived amidst my absence,
and I wonder how come my inner self
isn’t engrossed as much as I thought I would be.
There could be a reason. Perhaps
the yearning subsided like bubbles of ocean water
bursting as it approached the shore.

The last time we were this close, my heart pounded
so loud I could barely hear myself think.
The storm in my chest reposed at the sight of you
walking from across the room towards the corner
where I stood.

As you mouthed the usual words triggering awkward,
pretentious small-talk, behind my eyes
I asked myself,
where did all your magic go?

Sleeping In

Aubrey Bahala — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 13:00:50 +0000

Sleeping In

Aubrey Bahala

Close your eyes and fill those lungs

with air from this city that

never rests. And as you take in

some air, remember who

you were once.

Enlighten the inner spirit of

your being with snapshots of

the year before.

As your eye sockets move from

east to west, take down notes

on who appears in your dreams.

Less adjectives, more verbs.

What you do, what you do.

Déjà vu shall trickle through

eyelids and

nose jobs.

Smeared lipstick at

five in the morning. Like a stamp

on every mail to serve as proof

of last night’s woes.

Dare to remember how

you got home.

The Month of April

Aubrey Bahala — Thu, 13 May 2010 06:34:47 +0000

The Month of April

Aubrey Bahala

Ruin me, ruin me.

Until I can’t endure anymore.

Turn me, turn me.

Into someone I can’t imagine

myself to be.

At the break of dawn

Aubrey Bahala — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 15:46:52 +0000

As the dawn breaks

Aubrey Bahala

You who took away the reason of my delight

the one who walked off

carrying the days of my contentment,

how could you?

You’re the person who invaded my every dream

since the day I met you. Yet you still managed to go on

with life like you did me no wrong.

Neither can I bear seeing your face

nor hearing you laugh.

Neither do I want seeing you smile

nor knowing you’re breathing life.

Getting out of the vehicle, I saw you first.

It was a Sunday filled with

exhaustion and of our days

compressed together.

The sunrays pierced the skin

of my face and of my eyelids.

The scarcity of wind forced

my sweat glands to get into working.

In that moment, outside your house,

it was just the two of us in existence.

You were a spectator watching with care

and attention the movement of my

lips and the blinking of my eyes.

You were a murderer, taking over

the carnage of my heart. The sound of

your weeping is destruction;

it aches me to hear you’re hurting too.

The way you forced a smile is death.

Truth spoken by you is a fatality,

it struck me without warning.

Like a scared child, your face looked as if

your heart is breaking; as if you’re leaving

a favorite toy behind. Like a boy, I saw your

lips quiver, as if you’re being scolded,

as you speak the words

I couldn’t stand to hear. Your eyes are as

watery as the river, tears rolling down

drop after drop. Shoulders like a wall

pushed over, I’ve never seen you as mortified

as you looked that day. Your hand was shaking

like an old person’s hand would,

I felt it when you touched my face.

My hatred for you benefited me in several ways.

It drove me to learn how to dress up,

smoke again and do things which I grew up doing.

Nights were filled with hopes that you’d finally

be back, but I found myself drowning in pretenses.

Because of it, I now end my days with bottles of

beer and kisses from people I barely know.

It snatched away my sense and sanity,

but I’m loving it.

With you gone, I now find my days filled

with lessons I missed out on. With you away,

I find myself including other people I wished

I didn’t know. Now, my nights are spent

drinking vodka, going out with friends

and making out in washrooms.

Waking up in the morning gets harder and harder;

I sleep so I don’t have to feel.

Days are spent in class but when the night crawls in,

I’m beginning to ask myself,

where have I been the entire time?

I need to bring back the person in me

who I used to admire. When you took off,

you watched me at my own destruction,

I watched you do deception at its best.

I have to pick up everything piece by piece,

memory after memory, shard after shard,

even if it means getting a deep cut.

I shall get my self-respect back even if

it takes too much time. The next time I open my eyes,

I’d strive to see how much beauty still remains.

That day will eventually come,

it may not be too soon, but it will never be too late.

It’s between midnight and dawn,

when everybody has fallen asleep,

when silence becomes the language.

Neither is there rain nor presence of the sun,

but it feels like there’s something

about to give birth. It’s the hour where secrets

are revealed, where feelings are dealt with,

when late night conversations take its toll.

It’s inside a room where it’s only you

who could fit in, and that place is not

anywhere near your chest

but somewhere in your own head.

Puwing

Aubrey Bahala — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 15:19:43 +0000

Puwing
Aubrey Bahala

Sa tuwing ako nalalasing,
kapag ang mga pisngi’y umiinit
at namumula, dahil sa kahihiyan,
dahil sa maalinsangang paligid at
dahil sa epekto ng alak,
aking titiisin ang pagkalasing.

Nasanay na akong
umuwi nang mag-isa,
makatulog sa dyip at
lumampas sa ruta.

Nararanasan ko na ang
sumuka nang walang kasama
at ang mabastos ng
mga kasama.

Hindi ko kayang tignan
ang sarili ko ngayon sapagkat
nilalamon ako
ng pandidiri.

Nilalamon ako
ng pagsisisi,
kung bakit ba
hindi ko nasabi.
Natatakot ako,
na baka hindi na ako
makaalis dito.

Oh Boy

Aubrey Bahala — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 15:22:59 +0000

Oh Boy

Aubrey Bahala

Perhaps if you would try to listen.

And to not let this go

straight to your head.

If you’re smart enough

to trace the tone in my voice,

which could mean that it

has become a routine of mine

to look for you.

A frequent exchange

of secrets

late at night.

The periodical phone calls,

most likely once in a month.

It seems strange that

it was not a long time ago

since I’ve had the worst.

But what’ has turned stranger is that

it’s becoming tolerable for me

to like you occasionally.

And ‘like’ is not the proper verb.

Or word. To describe

my fascination of you.

Because guys like you,

although you’re so much more than

my first impression of you,

can still turn into a stinky butthole.

Despite the fact that your charming face

and weakening masculinity

extend beyond the borders

of your hometown.

It reaches the thick confines

of this busy city.

It penetrates me.

Paggamit

Aubrey Bahala — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 07:17:34 +0000

Paggamit

Aubrey Bahala

Pagsawaan mong

mabuti ang malulusog

kong dibdib.

Ikulong mo sa

pagitan ng iyong

mga labi,

sa iyong mga kamay,

kasabay ng

pagtapak mo sa

aking pagkatao.

Kung sa paghinga ko

ay nakikita at nadirinig

mo ang pag-iyak

ng aking puso,

ang pagtutol ng

aking utak,

matalino ka.

Hawakan mo ako

sa aking balikat.

Pababa sa aking beywang at

sa tiyan kong walang laman.

Salamat

sa pag-abuso sa aking

kahinaan. Sa pagkabulag

sa aking pagmamahal

sa iyo .

Sa pagpayag na pasukin

muli ako,

pahintulutan kang

mapagod, magsawa

at pagkatapos ay

makatulog sa tabi ko.

Kasabay nito ay

ang pagbanggit mo

ng lubos mong pagmamahal

para sa akin. Na akala natin

ay hindi na matatapos.

Mahal ko,

huwag mong subukang

mangako

ng panghabangbuhay.

Sapagkat isang araw,

matatapos ang lahat ng ito.

Katulad ng iyong plinano.

Daddy

Aubrey Bahala — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:59:09 +0000

Daddy

Aubrey Bahala

Subukan mong lakarin

ang madilim na eskinita sa Buendia

o sa Lawton man o sa

Kalaw.

Doon mo makikita

ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ka

pwedeng umuwi

nang mag-isa.

Ngayon.

Simula ngayon

ay kailangan mong umuwi bago pumatak

ang alas dose

ng hatinggabi.

Kailangan mong sumabay

sa mga kasama sa eskwela

upang makasigurong ligtas.

Subukan mo kung gaano kahaba

ang pasensya ko sa iyo.

Huwag mong susuwayin

sapagkat ayaw mong

makita akong

magalit.

Huwag kang tatanggap

ng inumin mula

sa ibang tao, lalo na

kung galing sa lalaki.

Ingatan mo ang sarili mo.

At pahalagahan mo

ang pagmamahal ko sa iyo.

Marami ka pang panahon.

At kung bukas ay

di ko na magawang dumilat pa,

aking minamahal na dalaga,

ingatan mo ang iyong sarili.

Sa mga mapangahas na lalaki.

Sa mga binatang matatabil.

Iwasan mo ang mga katulad ko,

noong kabataan ko,

anak.

At kung kinabukasan

ay pagtaksilan ka,

pagdamutan at sugatan

ng mga sari-saring tao,

minamahal kong panganay,

pakiingat-ingatan mo

at pagtibayin mong lalo

ang damdamin mo.